just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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