The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize