if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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