I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize