I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
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i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
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I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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