If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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