this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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