on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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