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mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
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