ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize