I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
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i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
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Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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