just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize