I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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