Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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