I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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