My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize