3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize