I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
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It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
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He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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