It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
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It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
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Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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