Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
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My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
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I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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