ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
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The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
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Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize