Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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