I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize