I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
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he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
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Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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