No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
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Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
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I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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