you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
there's paper in my vomit.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize