i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
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I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
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And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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