I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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