I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
50% drunk capacity currently
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize