If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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