She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
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He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
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WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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