You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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