he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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