Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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