Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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