I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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