I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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