How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize