Where are you?
In a non slutty way
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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