Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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