Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize