Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize