Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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