Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
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I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
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Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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