So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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