Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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