so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize