Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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