Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My bed smells like the plague
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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