I didn't shave. On purpose
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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