Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
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Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
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So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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